13th november 2008
it feels like eons ago.
ok now, let me speak up and stop this blog war.
to ash, i had always tried to be the best girlfriend possible and you can see it for yourself.
you started off the relationship both good and bad.
you were as loyal to me and never complained of anything.
we got together in may, and in that very same month your stealing cases started.
it continued with three subsequent cases that you were almost sent to boy's home.
how do you think i felt seeing my boyfriend on stage with public apologies?
you were even failing in school.
teachers were coming up to me, talking about you, not me.
still, i stood up for you and told them you just needed some help.
my mum advised and talked to you nicely, but you chose not to repent.
how did i feel having to keep all your bads from my mum?
she was always thinking you were all good and till now, she still bothers to show concern towards you although she knows how badly you treat her daughter.
i admit my bad, that i disappointed you by getting to know other guys.
just how do you think it feels when my boyfriend selfishly repeats his mistakes?
you just have to pay back by going clubbing and drinking.
and even then, i swear i changed for good.
within a short period of time.
i was committing so well until you have to start out so many bad things.
you realised that this year was tough for me because of you.
i returned to singapore sorrowful because my grandmother passed away when we were in bangkok.
you knew what my grandmother meant to me, but you never took my feelings seriously.
you were there advising your old friend about her relationship,
but you were not even there when i needed your utmost support.
and just who are you to be advising people when you are not committing well to the relationship.
and then when you started work, you were so busy with yourself.
too self-centered to care about how i felt being neglected.
i had every chance to get comfortable with other guys, but did i?
instead, you did.
i don't understand why you have to hide about your friends from me.
because you started smoking back when you lepak with them? or what?
even till the recent monday night, you were still being dishonest.
it does not make sense.
which girlfriend does not want the best for the boyfriend?
i, nadirah jamri, fed you well when we went out.
i, nadirah jamri, provided you with your needs when you are short of cash.
just to make sure we can go out and spend time together.
your excuse is you don't want go out with me if you don't have cash.
but how weird is it that you have cash to go out with your friends?
to buy the cigarettes?
and as if all these were not enough, you have to feed your good friend with every details between us.
it was all bad; were there anything good about me?
were you even proud to have a girlfriend like me?
until your friends mock at me.
and where were you?
did you stand up for my rights?
when all this while you stood up so much for your friends?
you know some things they wrote were not facts, and you just shut up?
there was even once when we quarreled about jane and you ignored my mum, who was right in front of your eyes and who was expecting you to salam her.
how rude is that? i can never forget that.
just as you don't like me to speak about your mum, how was it like with your rude actions towards ibu all this while?
i persevered so much; i was being very very patient with your behaviour.
my grandmother, my grandfather passed away, my parents were having ideas about splitting.
i was feeling sad, but still i had all the time to care about you.
you needn't worry anything about me.
i never depended on you for anything except emotional support.
were you able to provide just that?
ok, let's move on to the two that may concern.
(the above is not even the complete picture yet by the way.)
dear jane and aidil,
when i called you up, my intentions were good.
thinking that you could help your good friend with his relationship.
i dont know why you took it that badly and post nasty things about me all over your blogs.
how do you think i felt?
but i understand.
you both never been in a relationship this long.
and maybe, you have yet to know things.
and probably, its biased since you heard his side of story and he is your friend.
and just so you know, i have never ever ask any of my friends to spy on ash.
all along, they came coming to me, telling me all his bads.
and if you want know, i have not been going silat training for very long time cause i want to be considerate of ash's feelings.
i knew he was feeling insecure about them, and i did just what i ought to.
i even brought him to any silat events to reassure him.
i don't even hang out with any guys because i don't want him to do just that to me.
did he ever bring me to his friends or at least introduce?
do you even think he ever reassure me of anything?
and when he just can't let go of his friends, that is when my doubts grow.
and how can you say you support us from the back?
that you respect our relationship and your good friend's girlfriend?
that you want the best for us?
when you mock at me and then tries to be friendly.
and if you were a good friend aidil, you shouldn't even tell the world about what ash shared with you.
how trustworthy is that?
and just think how i cope with all these?
how could you say that i didn't care about his feelings?
did he care about mine all this while?
that i didn't take good care of him?
how can you talk about about trust and judge our relationship?
and for other people,
you only hear the truth from mine or ash's mouth ok.
i got more to say, but i think this is sufficient.
don't get mad all again.
try to digest it all.
and you judge.
and don't go all harsh on ramizah. she is ash's friend.
